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Monday, November 13, 2006

Booty, booty, booty, booty, booty everywhere! Skrippers' Guide to Surviving the BET Awards

Attention, ladies, skrippers, freaks and hoes:
I don’t want you to just survive the BET awards show this weekend, but rather, to thrive. So from the kindness in my heart, I’ve compiled the following list of DOs and DON’Ts:
(And yes, a lady can get paid this weekend. skrippers freaks and hoes are bound to come out with a better bottom line, but ladies can still get paid.)

Please adhere …

10. Please, DON’T bring your kid to the club. That shit is sooo tacky. Sad and tacky. (see example below).

9. I know it's exciting to see out-of-town A-list hip-hop stars in the club, but please, if your mamma doesn't know you slide down the poll for cheeze, DON'T go takin pictures with rappers at the bar in your pasties. It will catch up.

8. If your act includes stunts, DO bring your own supplies. That, "Oh-I'll-just-grab-that-cue-stick-as-soon-as-he-makes-that-shot," or "Go-ahead-and-tip-that-Moet-back-and-hand-me-the-bottle" shit is nasty and unsanitary. NASTY and unsanitary.

7. Until your good becomes better and your better becomes best ...

6. This man will kill you:Suge
5. The "I need to buy books this semester, I'm studying to be a lawyer, I get straight As, I'm a good girl" shit is old. The dude paying you for that table dance is not tryin to make an investment. Nobody cares.

4. But whether you're really enrolled or not, DO take copious notes. You may wanna print that memoir.

2. I hate to backpedal, and no, you will definitely not be saved, but you DO need to make that rent, so … you may wanna be flexible with the whole champagne room thing. Hey, just for the weekend.

1. And again, not to digress, but DO check for T-Pain. It can't hurt.

So ladies, please get your weave tight, some act right and -- this is worth mentioning twice -- a babysitter, it’s gonna be a looooong shift.

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